Feeling Unsettled

The pandemic made us question what normal even is, and we can see now that “The Before Times” are not a place we can return to ever again.

The islands of Ometepe in Central America, aerial view. Miranda Miller, 2024.

If you’d asked me in late 2019 whether it was possible to feel even more unsettled than I did following “All The Awful” in 2017, I’d have laughed you out of my inbox.

In less than a year, both my parents battled cancer; one lost. Trevor lost his job of over 20 years. That led to our battle with a con artist, and we lost that, too. We lost our life savings, our home, time with my children, and a great deal of dignity and pride.

My perspective changed dramatically, and forever. We went into the pandemic knowing full well what it’s like to lose everything, and we still weren’t prepared for “The Great Pause.” Lockdowns left so many of us languishing – feeling empty, listless, and apathetic.

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning we get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through links on this site, at no cost to you – because a girl’s gotta eat… and travel.

And then, once the world began opening up again: restless.

(Let’s not even get into the lingering effects of alcohol, food, and weed delivery being the only things we had to do in Ontario for about a year and a half. That’s a whole other post.)

The minute the borders opened up again and I was vaccinated enough to get on a plane, I took off to Prague with Hacker Paradise to drink beer in a castle, dance at an outdoor concert, and watch burlesque in an underground library bar with a three-legged dog sporting a bow-tie.

Seriously, it was magical. Complete abandon and escapism? Absolutely.

When we lost our home and were forced to start over, I thought all I wanted was to rebuild and set down roots. We’ve since worked hard to buy a property we can eventually build on, but…

I’m still just not sure.

The pandemic wasn’t the start of my travel journey. I’ve been fully remote with my work since the late 00s and have been a “part-time” nomad, traveling a good part of the year and living abroad, for about a decade now.

But after all of the trauma and turmoil of 2016/17, I wanted so badly to return to the ways things were, rebuild, and get back to normal.

The pandemic made us question what normal even is, and we can see now that “The Before Times” are not a place we can return to ever again.

I’m still feeling unsettled; even more so, now. And I don’t think I’m alone in this – not by a long shot.

I have a lot of trips and activities planned for the coming months, not out of abandon or escapism or running away from problems, but because I just don’t feel like settling down. I can’t even picture what it would look like at this point. The doors have been blown off this myth of “normal” and the American/Canadian dream that you just work hard and one glorious day in this increasingly rare state called “retirement,” it’ll all be worth it.

I’m itching to see more of the world and explore different ways of living. I want today to be “worth it.” No more holding my breath and toiling away for some magical day that may never come.

There’s so much more I could say about this, and I will. But for now… how the heck are you doing?