One Step Closer: Name What No Longer Fits

Feeling stuck or restless? You don’t need to blow up your life to start changing it. This gentle but powerful practice helps you begin where you are with clarity, not chaos.

You don’t need a 5-year plan to make big changes in your life. You don’t have to burn it all down and start over. You probably don’t need to sell your house, quit your job, or file for divorce by next Thursday.

(Though if that is your plan… please hydrate and bring snacks.)

You start by naming what’s not working for you. Not in vague terms, but clearly, plainly.

If you’re feeling stuck or disenchanted, like your life doesn’t quite feel like it belongs to you anymore, I want to offer you a tiny but powerful first step:

Name what no longer fits.

Not in a “scream-into-your-pillow” kind of way. Not in a vague “I just feel… blah” kind of way, either.

But clearly, and honestly, in writing. Once you name what’s shrinking you and keeping you in that place that no longer fits, it’s a lot easier to stop trying to squeeze yourself back into it.

You don’t need to have the solution yet. This isn’t about fixing everything in one dramatic sweep or manifesting a new life by Tuesday.

This is about noticing:

• That edge where the thing that used to feel exciting now feels exhausting.

• That sense that you’ve outgrown something — a role, a routine, a relationship — but you keep trying to shrink yourself to match it anyway.

We do this all the time, especially in midlife. We tell ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” or, “It’s too late to change.” We numb it with distraction, with to-do lists, with wine and reality TV and pretending we’re just tired.

But the discontent doesn’t go away. It lingers. It grows. It shapeshifts and inserts itself in more and more areas of our life. And eventually, it starts to demand attention.

When we’re in transition — not where we used to be, but not yet where we want to go — it’s tempting to power through. Keep your head down. Stay grateful, and don’t rock the boat.

And yet, if something isn’t working, pushing harder won’t fix it. You have to see it first. And sometimes, naming the thing is the first moment it starts to loosen its grip.

So try this. Take ten minutes somewhere quiet... no music, no multitasking, no pressure.