Helen Mirren on the Freedom of Not Explaining Yourself
Even at the height of her career, Helen Mirren felt like she had something to prove. Here’s what changed, and why it matters.
There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to prove yourself.
Not just in your work, but in how you live. The subtle, constant calculation of how things look. Whether you’re doing enough. Whether you’ve done enough. Whether it all adds up to something that makes sense to other people.
For a long time, I thought that feeling eased once you became successful. That at some point, you’d arrive somewhere solid enough that the questioning stopped.
But it doesn’t seem to work that way.
Helen Mirren is a great example of this and has generously shared her perspective on it over the years.
She spent decades building a career most people would consider definitive. Acclaimed performances. Awards. Longevity in an industry that rarely offers it.
And still, she’s spoken openly about feeling like she had something to prove — even as the recognition came.
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It’s easy to assume confidence is something you earn your way into. That if you just keep going long enough, achieving enough, you’ll finally feel settled in yourself.
But listening to her, it sounds less like something gained, and more like something released.
“You can’t control how other people see you or think of you and you have to be comfortable with that,” Dame Mirren once said, later adding, “At 70 years old, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to use the words ‘fuck off’ much more frequently.”
She’s talked about how, as she got older, she simply stopped holding herself to the same kind of scrutiny. The constant checking. The need to measure up. Not because she suddenly became fearless or certain… but because she no longer saw the point in it.
That’s a different kind of turning point.
It’s not a breakthrough or a reinvention. It’s a decision made over and over, over time, to stop performing for an invisible standard.
In her commencement speech for Tulane University in 2017, Mirren shared her 5 rules for a happy life. Number four: “Don’t be afraid of fear,” she said. You’ll always wonder, when faced by peers, whether you’re smart enough or good enough. You can’t help but be afraid you’ll fail, she explained.
“Look fear straightaway in its ugly face and barge forward,” Mirren said. “And when you get past it, turn around and give it a good swift kick in the ass!”
I think about how much energy goes into trying to be understood, approved of, seen in a certain way — and what might open up if even a small part of that energy came back to you. If you could kick that fear and reapply it where it actually serves you, instead of holding you back.
If you’re rethinking things… your work, your pace, what comes next… it’s worth asking:
Where am I still trying to prove something to others?
And what would shift if I didn’t need to?
Think on that today. Journal on it, if you have time.
And remember, you don’t have to resolve it all at once.
But you might notice, in small moments, where you can loosen your grip on being understood by others and follow something more meaningful instead.
There’s a kind of freedom in that. It’s not loud or dramatic. Just… lighter.
And once you feel that, even a little, it gets harder to go back to carrying everything you thought you had to prove.
✌🏻 Miranda
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As a person who still feels the need to prove oneself, be approved of, and then feels sick of that feeling as an old enough person, I appreciate this article. 🙏😌